Blogtober Day 19: Fat

In the beginning of 2008, my very good friend, the gorgeously amazing Lucy started her weight loss journey. I had decided to start it with her. I was breastfeeding at the time, which was my excuse of the moment as to why it did not stick. Now, over 2.5 years later, I am wondering what good excuse I could use for the time since when I was no longer breastfeeding.

Don't get me wrong, I have an excellent excuse for each and every day. Either a medical or mental one. Physical or Psychological. I can use either, any day, to excuse myself from getting on with my life.

But last night I was brushing my teeth before bed when I saw myself in the mirror as another person. Do you do that? Occasionally I see myself in a different light to the millions of times I see just what I look like to me, and see what I *really* look like.

I did not like it.

I hated it.

I am a fatty.

And that is not my true self.

Thing is, I block myself from doing anything about it. I intellectually know the right thing to do, I know all the science of it. Hell, I even know intellectually the psychological process by which I stay fat - reasons why, methods of doing so, reasons to change, methods to change.

But I'm still fat.

And I hate it.

I am now the heaviest I have ever been. And this includes when I was full term pregnant after an obese pre-pregnancy weight.

So I need to change. I need to get moving and grooving and start to live the rest of my life. I can no longer lament the fact that I haven't done what I wanted with the years gone by, but I can ensure that Future Shannon does not lament the passage of the years I have yet to come. I thank Past Shannon for giving up smoking once upon a time, I really want to be able to thank Past Shannon for getting healthy in a few years.