Don't get me wrong, I have an excellent excuse for each and every day. Either a medical or mental one. Physical or Psychological. I can use either, any day, to excuse myself from getting on with my life.
But last night I was brushing my teeth before bed when I saw myself in the mirror as another person. Do you do that? Occasionally I see myself in a different light to the millions of times I see just what I look like to me, and see what I *really* look like.
I did not like it.
I hated it.
I am a fatty.
And that is not my true self.
Thing is, I block myself from doing anything about it. I intellectually know the right thing to do, I know all the science of it. Hell, I even know intellectually the psychological process by which I stay fat - reasons why, methods of doing so, reasons to change, methods to change.
But I'm still fat.
And I hate it.
I am now the heaviest I have ever been. And this includes when I was full term pregnant after an obese pre-pregnancy weight.
So I need to change. I need to get moving and grooving and start to live the rest of my life. I can no longer lament the fact that I haven't done what I wanted with the years gone by, but I can ensure that Future Shannon does not lament the passage of the years I have yet to come. I thank Past Shannon for giving up smoking once upon a time, I really want to be able to thank Past Shannon for getting healthy in a few years.