Blogtober Day 20: No More Yarn

OK, I was talking to hubby about the weighty issues I am facing and he suggested (nicely) that perhaps one of the reasons things are getting way out of control is that I have chosen a hobby which pretty much renders me inactive for most of my time. Alrighty, I know that many people knit without being fat, or sloth-like, but I happen to be one of those over-obsessive types who does things to the limits of how they can possibly be done. I have a very addictive personality.

So we thought putting down the needles for a month - except when watching tele at night - might make a difference. But my immediate brain response to that was to think of all the pretty yarns I want to knit up because they are sitting there looking at me, expecting to be knit.

Which leads to the absolute yarn ban. I've said it before, I know. I really really have to do it this time. For my psychological wellbeing. And my health it turns out.

Of course I get to this point and wonder if perhaps I should sell the yarn babies off. But geez, that would be physically painful I think.

I wonder if I could free myself of the knitting obsession? I wonder if I should or not. I have said before that I don't think I have anything else to turn to. But maybe that's the point? Give knitting a rest so that I can cultivate other interests which don't make me so inner focused.

Maybe I could become a gym junkie. (yes I giggled out loud as I typed that)

I certainly could make a stack of money if I sold off the yarn babies. But what would I buy with it if I weren't buying yarn????

Blogtober Day 19: Fat

In the beginning of 2008, my very good friend, the gorgeously amazing Lucy started her weight loss journey. I had decided to start it with her. I was breastfeeding at the time, which was my excuse of the moment as to why it did not stick. Now, over 2.5 years later, I am wondering what good excuse I could use for the time since when I was no longer breastfeeding.

Don't get me wrong, I have an excellent excuse for each and every day. Either a medical or mental one. Physical or Psychological. I can use either, any day, to excuse myself from getting on with my life.

But last night I was brushing my teeth before bed when I saw myself in the mirror as another person. Do you do that? Occasionally I see myself in a different light to the millions of times I see just what I look like to me, and see what I *really* look like.

I did not like it.

I hated it.

I am a fatty.

And that is not my true self.

Thing is, I block myself from doing anything about it. I intellectually know the right thing to do, I know all the science of it. Hell, I even know intellectually the psychological process by which I stay fat - reasons why, methods of doing so, reasons to change, methods to change.

But I'm still fat.

And I hate it.

I am now the heaviest I have ever been. And this includes when I was full term pregnant after an obese pre-pregnancy weight.

So I need to change. I need to get moving and grooving and start to live the rest of my life. I can no longer lament the fact that I haven't done what I wanted with the years gone by, but I can ensure that Future Shannon does not lament the passage of the years I have yet to come. I thank Past Shannon for giving up smoking once upon a time, I really want to be able to thank Past Shannon for getting healthy in a few years.