Blogtober Day 28: CBB

Can't Be Bothered.

Missed yesterday because I am in a funk right now.

I have two patterns in testing, and testing two other patterns for Tikki, and I can't be bothered replying to questions about any of them at the moment.

I dragged myself to playgroup yesterday only because it was Monica's birthday, and I had a pressie for her, and wanted to wish her happy birthday (because she's great).  But apart from that I don't want to leave the house.

I am going to gym today for an assessment - it's taking all my strength not to cancel.  Last thing I want is some taut gym junkie measuring me and setting a pathetic program for me.  I know I have to do it, just don't want to today.  Then I am heading to Irene's place for some yarn porn.  So I'm forcing myself to go out today hoping to leave the funk behind.

Don't like my chances.

So, if you happen to be one of these pattern testing type people, bear with me, I'm just in a funk and will get back to you soon.  Promise.

Blogtober Day 20: No More Yarn

OK, I was talking to hubby about the weighty issues I am facing and he suggested (nicely) that perhaps one of the reasons things are getting way out of control is that I have chosen a hobby which pretty much renders me inactive for most of my time. Alrighty, I know that many people knit without being fat, or sloth-like, but I happen to be one of those over-obsessive types who does things to the limits of how they can possibly be done. I have a very addictive personality.

So we thought putting down the needles for a month - except when watching tele at night - might make a difference. But my immediate brain response to that was to think of all the pretty yarns I want to knit up because they are sitting there looking at me, expecting to be knit.

Which leads to the absolute yarn ban. I've said it before, I know. I really really have to do it this time. For my psychological wellbeing. And my health it turns out.

Of course I get to this point and wonder if perhaps I should sell the yarn babies off. But geez, that would be physically painful I think.

I wonder if I could free myself of the knitting obsession? I wonder if I should or not. I have said before that I don't think I have anything else to turn to. But maybe that's the point? Give knitting a rest so that I can cultivate other interests which don't make me so inner focused.

Maybe I could become a gym junkie. (yes I giggled out loud as I typed that)

I certainly could make a stack of money if I sold off the yarn babies. But what would I buy with it if I weren't buying yarn????

Blogtober Day 19: Fat

In the beginning of 2008, my very good friend, the gorgeously amazing Lucy started her weight loss journey. I had decided to start it with her. I was breastfeeding at the time, which was my excuse of the moment as to why it did not stick. Now, over 2.5 years later, I am wondering what good excuse I could use for the time since when I was no longer breastfeeding.

Don't get me wrong, I have an excellent excuse for each and every day. Either a medical or mental one. Physical or Psychological. I can use either, any day, to excuse myself from getting on with my life.

But last night I was brushing my teeth before bed when I saw myself in the mirror as another person. Do you do that? Occasionally I see myself in a different light to the millions of times I see just what I look like to me, and see what I *really* look like.

I did not like it.

I hated it.

I am a fatty.

And that is not my true self.

Thing is, I block myself from doing anything about it. I intellectually know the right thing to do, I know all the science of it. Hell, I even know intellectually the psychological process by which I stay fat - reasons why, methods of doing so, reasons to change, methods to change.

But I'm still fat.

And I hate it.

I am now the heaviest I have ever been. And this includes when I was full term pregnant after an obese pre-pregnancy weight.

So I need to change. I need to get moving and grooving and start to live the rest of my life. I can no longer lament the fact that I haven't done what I wanted with the years gone by, but I can ensure that Future Shannon does not lament the passage of the years I have yet to come. I thank Past Shannon for giving up smoking once upon a time, I really want to be able to thank Past Shannon for getting healthy in a few years.

Blogtober Day 10: tikki

You know in life you come across some amazing people, this post is dedicated to one such person in my life. Tikki.

I had been mopping the floor thinking about my day 10 post and decided on a post about her, then went and read her day 9 post in which she calls me crazy and has some consipiring thoughts about making me knit ugly things......the cheek! So we shall see if I am as nice as I was going to be as I watched the dirt clean off the tiles......

This lady is amazing. I am in awe of her nature and am very grateful to have been able to make her acquaintance. Tikki patterns are quite famous the world over, totally adored by us Aussies, the Kiwi girls and the Americans are coming to love her as much as we do by the feels of things lately too. Her Rainbow Dress pattern, I personally think, started a new wave of knitwear design for children's clothing. She seemed to me to be the frontrunner of simple yet elegant designs which flatter the child and are easy for Mum to knit.

I have been very fortunate to be on the testing team for most of her designs, and have knitted many more of them - there's a few I have yet to do, but I'll get there.

She also does the most amazing sewing I've ever seen too. We own just one pair of tikki denim pants, and I have this tendency to turn them inside out and show everyone I know the workmanship of them. They are simply stunning in form and workmanship.

The designs are one thing, but the person behind the designs is an even more amazing thing! This woman is just such a treasure. I have been blessed to be able to spend time in real life with her, and I hope to do so in the future again. She is kind and generous, and one of the most thoughtfully level headed people I have come across. And fair! Such a sense of natural justice comes from her. And she's hilariously funny too, in a very smart, clever way. Of course, you gotta love that she's a nerdling too, especially when it comes to grammar.

[warning: blatant idol worship ahead]

And she's cool too! She is sooooo trendy, she lives in the cutest house in the most gorgeous suburb with the nicest things around her, lives a close to organic lifestyle and she drinks Chai Tea lol. She has the most amazing fabric and yarn stash too. Her family is just gorgeous, her kids are adorable and she's such an attentive nurturing mother to them. As a result they are gorgeously behaved. I've not met the man of the house as yet, but I just bet he's hunky and smart and funny - I can just imagine!

Anyway, one very special woman there. I hope that she's one of those people who stick around in my life for a long long time. *mwa* love you Tik!

Blogtober Day 7: My kids

I have 4 children. All girls. And it is amazing just how the same parents and homelife can create 4 individual personalities so different to each other.

Ziana: My firstborn, my big kid. She's almost 12 now, and starting highschool next year, makes me feel a wee bit old. This person is amazing. She has a brain unlike any other. She is brilliant academically with a flair for maths and science like you wouldn't believe. She is also disorganised, scatterbrained, obsessive and naive. She doesn't really get along with her peers, but can interact so well with adults, she doesn't understand the social stuff at all. She does try though, once she did a poll of her class about 'What makes someone cool and popular' - broke my heart to hear that I tell you. She writes songs, writes the most amazing stories and can draw manga like a professional artist (in Mummy's opinion).

She has gotten into this super amazing gifted program they run here in WA which hopefully will see her achieve the best of her. Unfortunately she's had a bit of a rough start to schooling. Skipping grades, dropping back to peer grade, changing schools (she's on her 5th change already), social awkwardness and a diagnosis of Aspergers all have given her a bit of a rough trot. So I am hoping this GATE program she is in will be the stabilising factor for her and she can achieve what she has the potential to do.

At the moment she has an obsession with Bunnies, and is slowly working me down to get one of her own. She's very hard to say no to.

Brielle: This gorgeous little girl just turned 10 this year. She takes an amazing photo and I am truly scared of the boys in a few years. She is athletic and does gymnastics. All of a sudden since we've moved over here to Perth, she's taken on a new strength with the gymnastics and can do walkovers, back bends, kick overs, roundoffs, and whole heap of stuff I don't know the name of. I think it's because she's not been to classes since May, she starts again next week, so she had that time off for her brain to click into a new level.

She is friendly and likeable, but does seem to have a few issues with bossiness and temper. She has a bit of a social roundabout as a result. But she is a girlie girl through and through. She isn't the most academic of people, but she tries hard now and I think she's going to do just fine because she has no problem working for what she wants.

Jessalyn: My miracle child. This little person has more strength than anyone I know. She has been through more medical treatments than most people see in their entire lives, but she always has a joyous light to her mood. Her list of conditions are as follows: Biliary Atresia, Anterior Meningocele (a form of spina bifida), Tethered Spinal Cord, Anorectal Malformation, Sacral Agenesis and Duanes' Syndrome. She had her first operation before she was 7 weeks old which was a Kasai Procedure for the Biliary Atresia to literally save her life, without it she would have died by about 1 year old or needed a liver transplant. She's been hospitalised for a week at a time over a dozen times since for liver infections and other operations, including a PSARP and a MACE procedure. Despite all these conditions working against her she is almost a perfectly normal 5 year old little girl. She does have bowel washouts through her MACE every second day, but her liver is healthy for a BA child and her spine seems to work just fine for mobility.

But she is bright and sunny which is something I never thought would happen back in the dark days of holding down my screaming infant while the doctors pierce their 40th hole in her skin for that day trying to get a vein, or seeing her cut up with tubes everywhere drugged out on morphine after her Kasai.

I love this child more than my own life. She is my light and my fire. I would do anything for her and would move the heavens if she needed it. She is brilliant and funny and I don't think I could exist without her.

Kassidy: The baby. OK, so the baby is over 3 years old now and starts kindy next year, but she will always be my baby (I assume). She is totally addicted to me, has to have her hand on me most of the time, and still sleeps in my bed most of the time. I have been putting her to bed in her own bed for the past 2 months, but she bounces into my arms by about 10:30 every night.

This child has such a strong personality she is going to be something very powerful when she grows up. I've never come across such a strong willed infant when she was a baby, and now she still manages to get her way all the time (of course her parents are pushovers....). She is very tactile, even as a wee bub she would stroke my eyebrows and eyelashes to do to sleep, and now she still rubs up and down my arm. If she can't reach she goes into a bit of a panic about it until she finds something tactile to rub.

She's started growing up now, and doing very big girl things. She has a bit of a lisp which is just about the cutest thing I've ever seen. I'll most likely regret saying that in a few years I'm sure.

So, that's my girls. I am so happy to have been blessed with each of them. Although that's not always the sentiment which comes across in times of stress ;-).

Blogtober Day 5: Sirens Eye

I have a very specific taste in music.  I 'like' quite a bit if it has nice tones and harmonies to the tune, but I rarely 'love' a lot.  The stuff that I have on my steady playlist has been there forever and not much comes in to it and sticks.

On my current playlist I have Muse - pretty much all of it, except most of Hullabaloo which gets a bit screachy in places.  I prefer the mid-earlier stuff - Showbiz and Absolution are about the best for me, followed very closely by Black Holes and Revelations.  Black Holes and Revelations was good, like awesomely good, but signalled a bit of a turn toward a bit more commercialism I feel.  And I cannot stand listening to Supermassive Black Hole anymore, so that drags it down a bit.  The Resistance is also awesomely good, feels like a new kind of Muse - which is still great.  It's kinda like watching the first 2 seasons of Red Dwarf and seasons 5&6 - they are both great in their own right, but have completely different feels to them.

We're likely to be going to their concert in December, that will be pretty awesome.

Also on my playlist is The Living End.  This is a superb Aussie band I took a liking to back in the early days of my adulthood.  Any alternarockpunk rocking Aussie band who can pull off having a double bass in the lineup is fine by me!  I stopped listening to music almost completely during the childrearing years (too much Wiggles and Hi-5 playing to get any airtime for my stuff), as a result had about 6 albums to catch up on with them when I rediscovered them last year.  But they are pretty much all fabulous.  White Noise is awesome.

So, I'm always trying to find that perfect sound to add to my core playlist.  It's not easy I tell you.  Just a slightly droning voice can put me off.

Then the other day I stumbled upon another band I really like.  Sirens Eye.  I can't even remember the exact route I took to find them, but it had something to do with the lead singer who is also an actor.  I think I played one of their songs on YouTube and was a little interested, so bought their EP and was hooked.

Unfortunately for me, they only have the one EP out - with only 5 songs.  Bugger.  I'm thinking they could be a little more considerate to me and release a full CD.

Because, as we all know, it's all about me.

Sucks to finally find someone else to add to the playlist and have such a limited amount of songs.  I feel like chucking a tanty.


Shan xx

Blogtober Day 3 (catchup): store ponderings

I have been back and forth with having a WAHMummy store.  I get very turned about with whether or not to keep on doing it.  Which is why I start it up, then stop, start again and stop again......the show goes on and on.

I have recently decided to go in with a friend, but now I have some things for sale, and of course they aren't selling so I get disheartened a wee bit.  I wonder why I keep mixing things up in my head all the time?  I do get mixed messages all the time as I get told outwardly to go for it, my stuff is great, but it never sells.  Like never.

So then I flip-flop on whether to continue.  I am an awfully unstable type - which has been to my detriment a number of times in friendships and ventures.  Probably will be again I suppose.

Don't know whether to keep going or stop again......

Anyway, ponderings ponderings.........